I recently finished, printed, read, and made notes on my third draft of Beyond the Mountain. It's both exciting, and scary. Exciting, because it was the finish of a (very large) step in the process, and a change in routine is always a bit refreshing. Scary, because now I have to do it all again, another draft--each draft seems like it should go faster, yet I still work slowly, and each draft puts more pressure on me to get it right already.
This time around is a little different from the ones before. Now someone other than me has read the book. It wasn't an ideal situation, since I gave her chapters a few at a time as I finished editing them, which happened much slower than I'd anticipated. But at least I know a few little details that might confuse readers, and I know that my story isn't hugely flawed or stupid.
By now I've figured out my characters, world, and events well enough that there won't be so much of that to agonize over during edits anymore. But I do need to tweak the pacing, and right now I have no idea what edits that will entail. I'm trying to back up the beginning of the story and add a scene before the events I already have in the book, but I work so slowly, staring at the screen and wondering why words don't come. It's been this way at least for the past 2 drafts, and I keep hoping it will get easier. Some days I remind myself that writing is slow and hard, and the process is different for every author. And some days feel foolish for ever believing I could turn this into a career.
I write because I have to. Now that I've started I can't just drop it and let this story (or the others in my head) float around forever unfinished. Crafting characters and cohesive plots is rewarding. But it definitely isn't easy.